Through the Fire

Those who are willing to go through the fires of life will be the ones who shine the brightest. STOP running from the things designed to make you better.
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How-To Begin…Again

New beginnings don’t always happen the way we planned, even for those who are the best planners. Sometimes a new beginning catches us totally off guard in the form of a major loss, or even a major gain. Just as a stressor can be positive or negative (promotion or a job loss), a new beginning can stir up feelings of urgency, the immediate need for us to gain and maintain order in a particular area of our lives. We want a sense of normalcy and to be in control of what is happening within, towards and around ourselves. We want to have a say in what is happening, to choose just how and when to begin. So how do we do that?

Step 1: Decide WHAT you want to change. Whether it’s your marital status, geographic location, health, finances or spiritual development, the first step is deciding what needs to change in your life.

Step 2: Determine the desired outcome. For example, if you say you want to change your geographic location, then be specific in WHERE you want to go. “Out of my parents house” is not specific enough. If know what you want, so that you can work towards it.So…”out of my parents house and into my own apartment” is more likely to get you the desired results.

Step 3: Do your research/write out your steps. In the example above, you’d need to know the costs involved in relocation (moving truck, temporary storage, mileage and gas costs). If you are changing zip codes, you’ll need to know the cost of living in the new location and how far your current money will take you. You may also need a new job. Don’t live your life off of assumptions (a whole other post is coming on this), get some facts so that you can feel empowered in your pursuit. For example, If you’re looking at a college town, know that apartments are in high demand, but most move-in specials occur at semester’s end when students are graduating or moving away. If you know it might cost $165-300 for a moving truck, $150 to connect your utilities and another $1350 – $2000 for your 1st month and/or last month’s rent and deposit, you know to start saving towards the overall move. If the costs are too high, revisit step 2. Your desired outcome may need revamping.

Step 4: Talk to someone who has done it before, even if they’ve been unsuccessful at it. It’s better to learn from the mistakes of others than to have to make your own. Sometimes the best plans hit a hiccup.

True Story: In my last move, I reserved a moving truck online a few weeks in advance, only to arrive at the location and be told “Ma’am, we never have that size truck. I don’t know why headquarters told you that. You can drive to the coast (90 miles away) and we can let you have one there.” Mind you, I had journeyed from Georgia to Mississippi the night before (after a full day at work) and was preparing to clear out my storage that very morning. Fortunately, I remained composed and a close family member and I put our heads together and found another truck company about 30 miles away. I had to choose to begin again mid-new beginning, but it worked out.

Step 5. Give yourself a deadline. Having an end date holds you accountable. Knowing your cell phone bill is due on the 27th of each month and that service will be interrupted on the 15th of the next gives you a sense of urgency and accountability. If your goal is to have a means of communication, you’ll be sure to meet that deadline each month. The same goes for your other goals.

Utilizing Steps 1-5, your plan may look something like this:

Move to Texas (Deadline to complete this goal: 6 months; xx/xx/2016)

  • Find a job (based on city/field of study)
  • Find a place to live* (application fees, lease terms, utility set-up costs, initial startup costs).
    • *If you are starting out with family or friends, have a solid agreement up front about the length of your stay and any financial contributions you are to make to their household, if any. If you are saving up to get your own place, stick to your deadline and contribute in other non-monetary ways (cleanup after yourself, cook meals sometimes, do your own laundry, no guests (this isn’t your home), etc.)
  • Make the move (storage costs/moving sale/how much are you taking with you?, moving truck, any help loading and unloading)
  • Set new goals for life in a new place. Crush those goals!

Your steps in what you are beginning will be composed based on the urgency of your move. Even if you’re flying by the seat of your pants in choosing to begin again, you’ve still got to think at least one step ahead.

BONUS Step 6. Don’t get distracted by perfection and don’t overthink your plan. Demanding perfection will impede your progress. Over-analyzing things will cause you become frozen in a state of analysis paralysis.  If youre waiting for a sign this is it.

 

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8 Steps To A Happier Life: Step 8

We’ve arrived at the final step in our “8 Steps to a Happier Life”, but this is just the beginning. Being happier isn’t a one-time occurrence, it’s a way of life. It’s something you choose to do, in spite of your circumstance. Being happier increases for us when we share it with others, and when we look within.

Step 8.  Create a safe haven in your home environment. Even if all you have is a corner in a shared room, make that corner your happy place. Decorate it with positive words and images of the life you are working towards. Cultivate an environment that nurtures you, a place where you can be yourself and has reminders or where you are trying to go. Let it be a place where you nurture yourself and invest in your well-being. Let it also be a place where you can rest and recuperate. Be happy where you are, but be prepared to launch out into more places where your happiness can grow.

 

It is my sincere hope that you employ these 8 tips and find more happiness in your life. If you have tips to share, I’d love to hear from you!

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8 Steps To A Happier Life: Step 6

Here’a another step to a happier life. To view the original post, click here.

Step 6.  Join a social group. As I stated in an earlier blog post I know a little bit about starting over. When you are in a new place due to changes in employment, education or other life circumstances, it can be a bit intimidating to make new friends. Even the most extroverted person wants to have options when it comes to people to spend precious recreational time with. Sometimes you are lucky enough to make new friends at work. Maybe a new place of worship or spiritual exploration provides like-minded people. If you need help meeting people to introduce you to more people, try a site affiliated with your interests/hobbies; a site like MeetUp.com.

 

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